Finding an escape from a tiny bubble

Boooop boooop boooop..... Beep beep boop...

I swear we will be hearing alarm sounds of all kinds when we finally get home. Four machines hooked to my son. Each of which has an alarm that seems to go off every 5 minutes. I have ringing of the brain.

Starting to get sick myself. Which is a rarity. But my throat is killing me. Don't wanna talk or swallow. Blegh...

Walking these halls every day with no escape. Seeing the same sick kids that never leave which seems to me that they never get better. So hard not to get depressed. A child's life is supposed to be full of chasing butterflies, playing in the mud, and running around carefree. Not full of machines and needles and medicine. But on the other side of that fact, I guess we are lucky to have the technology and knowledge to be able treat these kids.

Obviously, it's just not something any person wants to be engulfed in. Hearing any child say they just want to be normal again Is heart breaking, but when it's my own, it kills me inside. It's the little things that this kid misses. Being able to walk around without two poles behind him, or going to the bathroom on a regular toilet. Zander keeps apologizing for things beyond his control and every time he says sorry for having an accident or some other bodily function that he has no control over, I literally tear up on the spot. Trying to hold the tears back while explaining to him that he doesn't have to be sorry and that there is nothing else in the world that I would rather be doing than cleaning after him, isn't easy.

Three doctors that have come in have said that he is a very mature 6 year old and he understands more about what is going on with him than they like to hear. And that, just doesn't seem ok to me. No kid should have to know all this medical hoopla but unfortunately that would only be in a perfect world.

Normal...what is normal?

Healthy? Happy? Alive?

All of these have many meanings.

Until next time...

Xoxo Rockie

....hurting

A mothers job is never done.

As I sit here watching Cars2 for the millionth time since we were admitted to Children's Hospital Central California over 2 weeks ago, a thought crosses my mind...'all I really want is for my 6 year old to feel normal again when we leave here'. I know that no parent asks for their child to be sick but I also feel that the strongest people are chosen to go through tough times like these.
On a lighter note, Zander is feeling much better. He's smiling, playing, and laughing like the days before the drs. Today was the first time he has been able to eat in about 2 weeks and that's just what he did. It did my heart good to see him eat turkey sandwich and carrots with ranch, gatorade and apple juice. Though, he's still on his feeding tube, that is merely to maintain his nutrients and vitamins at the right levels and act as a medicine for his body. He will have a Nasogastric tube (feeding tube) long term as long as this elemental therapy is working for him and he may possibly be getting a gastric tube put in place in the next couple weeks.

The care here at Children's Hospital is above and beyond anything we could have hoped for. And, though it feels like we have been here forever, every person that I have come in contact with on their staff has done everything to make sure we are always comfortable and have anything we need. In the Rehabilitation department, Nurses Michele, Mike, and Christie have been above and beyond amazing along with several others. You all deserve a huge thank you from my family to yours!

Christmas is soon approaching and with Zander being in the hospital and the blur of the holidays whizzing by, it would almost seem I have forgotten my middle child's birthday. But fear not my Corbin Bray, mommy didn't forget and you will have an amazing birthday, even though it is only....3...days...away......SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! His 5th birthday is only 3 days away. Geeeebus! When did my kids get so big?? Where did time go?


These are the things that break a mothers heart.

Until next time...

Rockie...the mommy (:

Prayer-ly famous

Well, Zander went into surgery for endoscopy and had some biopsys done and found out that he has Crohn's disease.
Although we are sincerely thankful for the doctors working ruthlessly to find out what was up with my lil man, it still hit home that he still not able eat.
He currently is being fed through an NG tube (nasal gastric), but doesn't understand much yet. He is so hungry and wants to eat normally, he says.
So many people around Bakersfield and in other cities as well, had put my dear lil man on their prayer lists everywhere. We are so thankful for everyone's thoughts and appreciate all the love that was sent our way.

We still have a long road ahead and it's going to be tough. We will get through it all and with love anything is possible.

Xoxo Rockie

Mommy, pleading

Well thanksgiving is literally just around the corner and as all the thoughts of food and left overs and time with family fill the minds of most people, I am in the hospital for day number 7 by my lil Zander's side.

Xoxo Rockie