Scattered everywhere

Another month has come and gone and life for me lately seems to do like the leaveson the trees after all the pretty colors, ya know. Ugly and forgotten.

I know it can't be all glitter and lace but I have never had this much doubt. I'm sure I'll kick myself years down the road for that one.

I'm slightly scatter brained tonight. I might be depressed, according to it's proper definition, but hey who isn't. I mean at least I'm not on pills yet. Haha!

Tonight my three monsters and I built a fort and played in it. And they showed me their handstands, and told me letters. And laughed like crazy lil leprechauns in the tub.

It rained all evening. My Kloe slept in her house. I love seeing her in it :).

I cry Alot lately. Sometimes it's good. For good reason. But I'm getting better at it.


xoxo Rockie :)
Lifes tough, wear a helmet.

Real Life EASY Button? Yes please!

   So, I'm pretty sure that most of you older than me, didn't think life was difficult at 24 right? Then what the hell is going on with me?
I feel like I'm going through the motions of what life should be and what I should be doing at this point, but I don't feel anything thats raw and real anymore. Where are all the tangables?

Maybe, I can handle it? Well damn I sure hope so. Because as much as I am told otherwise by the people closest to me, I still feel like a failure in the eyes of my three beautiful boys. And that is the worst feeling ever.

Now don't get me wrong, this is in no way a pity-party, woe-is-me, post. Just at this point in my life that 5 years ago I thought I would be completely settled! Its disappointing and frustrating.

Is it me? What have I done in my life to deserve this? Seems to be a constantly asked question. Why is he that way? Why do they treat me like this? What is going on here that I am unaware of?

Well, possible one day it will become clear to me. I'm tired of the tears. Mostly tired of my boys seeing and noticing my struggles. And i fear most that what is going on with me, isn't even hard, that I am making it this way........No no that cant be.

Whatever it is, can I get a break please?

Thanks for listening.

xoxo Rockie

This sucks.

Anyone ever feel like your world comes crumbling down, and its by your hands?
Like, everything you have ever wanted just disappeared but its because thats what you wanted?

Definitely having one of those days. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I wont keep it hanging there waiting in the distance, thats obviously not fair. So I just watch it silently as it slips away. Hoping that someday somehow you'll remember me. And also, wishing you happiness and love.

I will always be where I'm always at. Love me forever, and I will love you.

xoxo Rockie